and if not...
The last several weeks have been nothing short of complete chaos and devastation for our family. As a mother, my heart is broken and I am struggling to piece things back together in the best way possible for the strongest new me. People... it ain't easy!
Those that are close to our family know that our oldest son, Matthew, has been struggling with good mental health and good character for the last several years. His story won't be shared here because it is his to share. However, as a mom I will be sharing my part of the story because it has affected me and my husband and our children in really big ways, both good and bad.
My son is currently not in our home. It makes a mama's heart ache knowing he isn't home, I can't see his face or hear his voice or even remind him to do his laundry. I seen his body soap in the bathroom and cried because he isn't in our home to even use it. It's the small things you miss about your children when they aren't with you. Younger mama's, don't wish away your children's youth. One day you'll miss the mess and you'll miss the constant reminding them or caring for them. One day you'll miss it! I promise. However, no matter how much I miss our son and no matter how often I think of how he is doing, I am thankful he isn't in our home right now. Before anyone jumps on me or wants to bash my statement, please let me explain. Our son has gotten himself into a ton of trouble both in our home and legally. With everything that has happened we walk around worried, scared, and on egg shells in our very own home. We have to change how we function, how food is stored, where we lay certain things in our home and even more. We did it so he wasn't tempted but it was exhausting to be perfectly honest. It has been nice to take a breath knowing he is safe, fed, clothed, and monitored in ways we can't provide. I don't have to worry about him running again. No matter how much we can breathe easier I still miss our son and still worry about him and how he is doing. I still want to see his face and hear his voice every day. That will never change. No matter what.
I decided to start blogging again to share the struggles, give people hope, and let mama's know that they aren't alone if their child has mental health struggles or even behavioral struggles. We are in this together and I've got your back in prayer!
In the last month I have had my faith tested in ways I never thought I could. When God doesn't answer a prayer the way you want Him to you have three choices. You can question who He is and what He's doing (which can allow your faith to waiver or even lead you to question it) or you accept that His path is better than anything we can ever imagine and He has everyone's best interest in mind OR you can do what I did and have a mixture of both. I questioned God and begged for insight and understanding into what He was doing. I didn't understand any of it and my heart ached for our son. I questioned myself if I had faith strong enough to really trust God. Then... after sobbing and tears and angry words I heard a still small voice and was calmed. Peace came over me as if the Holy Spirit laid a soft blanket over my soul. God clearly showed me that He has everything under control. I will not break and fall apart no matter how hard it gets. I will have His strength in it all. God so gently reminded me that I am not in anything alone and I have a support system bigger than I realize. I have a husband, friends, family, and church family that will pray us right through all of it, to the end.
Something that a friend of mine posted on social media caught my attention and I saved the picture quote to my phone. On this day of melt down and break down I remembered this quote. The quote read "and if not - He is still good♥"
YES!!! I can't scream this from my computer any louder. YES!! GOD IS GOOD even if your prayers aren't answered how you thought they should have been. There are so many bad things to happen to us and so many situations that break our poor human hearts. No matter what... God is good. God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life. (Romans 8:28) Good will come from everything is you will only allow it.
My son's story will bring glory to God and good will come from it in some way. His testimony mingled with ours will be used for good!!! I have faith in that 100%!! God will allow this to be useful to someone else in His name.
Our God... blows my mind constantly.
Counting Today Blessed,
Stacey
Those that are close to our family know that our oldest son, Matthew, has been struggling with good mental health and good character for the last several years. His story won't be shared here because it is his to share. However, as a mom I will be sharing my part of the story because it has affected me and my husband and our children in really big ways, both good and bad.
My son is currently not in our home. It makes a mama's heart ache knowing he isn't home, I can't see his face or hear his voice or even remind him to do his laundry. I seen his body soap in the bathroom and cried because he isn't in our home to even use it. It's the small things you miss about your children when they aren't with you. Younger mama's, don't wish away your children's youth. One day you'll miss the mess and you'll miss the constant reminding them or caring for them. One day you'll miss it! I promise. However, no matter how much I miss our son and no matter how often I think of how he is doing, I am thankful he isn't in our home right now. Before anyone jumps on me or wants to bash my statement, please let me explain. Our son has gotten himself into a ton of trouble both in our home and legally. With everything that has happened we walk around worried, scared, and on egg shells in our very own home. We have to change how we function, how food is stored, where we lay certain things in our home and even more. We did it so he wasn't tempted but it was exhausting to be perfectly honest. It has been nice to take a breath knowing he is safe, fed, clothed, and monitored in ways we can't provide. I don't have to worry about him running again. No matter how much we can breathe easier I still miss our son and still worry about him and how he is doing. I still want to see his face and hear his voice every day. That will never change. No matter what.
I decided to start blogging again to share the struggles, give people hope, and let mama's know that they aren't alone if their child has mental health struggles or even behavioral struggles. We are in this together and I've got your back in prayer!
In the last month I have had my faith tested in ways I never thought I could. When God doesn't answer a prayer the way you want Him to you have three choices. You can question who He is and what He's doing (which can allow your faith to waiver or even lead you to question it) or you accept that His path is better than anything we can ever imagine and He has everyone's best interest in mind OR you can do what I did and have a mixture of both. I questioned God and begged for insight and understanding into what He was doing. I didn't understand any of it and my heart ached for our son. I questioned myself if I had faith strong enough to really trust God. Then... after sobbing and tears and angry words I heard a still small voice and was calmed. Peace came over me as if the Holy Spirit laid a soft blanket over my soul. God clearly showed me that He has everything under control. I will not break and fall apart no matter how hard it gets. I will have His strength in it all. God so gently reminded me that I am not in anything alone and I have a support system bigger than I realize. I have a husband, friends, family, and church family that will pray us right through all of it, to the end.
Something that a friend of mine posted on social media caught my attention and I saved the picture quote to my phone. On this day of melt down and break down I remembered this quote. The quote read "and if not - He is still good♥"
YES!!! I can't scream this from my computer any louder. YES!! GOD IS GOOD even if your prayers aren't answered how you thought they should have been. There are so many bad things to happen to us and so many situations that break our poor human hearts. No matter what... God is good. God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life. (Romans 8:28) Good will come from everything is you will only allow it.
My son's story will bring glory to God and good will come from it in some way. His testimony mingled with ours will be used for good!!! I have faith in that 100%!! God will allow this to be useful to someone else in His name.
Our God... blows my mind constantly.
Counting Today Blessed,
Stacey
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